tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67118999098694326162024-03-14T09:13:04.205-07:00GenBuildKim Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15194506967524986384noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6711899909869432616.post-70528757673314645242015-08-28T20:17:00.002-07:002015-08-28T20:17:44.023-07:00Stop Looking For a Mentor...and Start Building Relationships<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhjxxuMQ-jtbhYF73qKalRYelRUUfrUrWH1j0Oi2fYlnEhyphenhyphen30JugLB1xBofCpL-6Xe6klJxww8F3-cZpJNZwqiE-czXyROxZU-dGhglrBLGDSW5nJVq4x1kKPZZS9DmzhlihTfpQztBSmN/s1600/linkedInmentor.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="388" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhjxxuMQ-jtbhYF73qKalRYelRUUfrUrWH1j0Oi2fYlnEhyphenhyphen30JugLB1xBofCpL-6Xe6klJxww8F3-cZpJNZwqiE-czXyROxZU-dGhglrBLGDSW5nJVq4x1kKPZZS9DmzhlihTfpQztBSmN/s640/linkedInmentor.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<strong>Everybody wants a mentor. And I believe that everyone deserves one. </strong> </div>
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Everybody deserves a champion, someone who will never give up on
them, who understands the power of connection, and insists that they
become the best that they can possibly be. Some of us scale high and low
looking for that revered mentor, but in my search for a mentor I have
realised that we are quite often searching for the wrong thing…</div>
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People think a mentor is your perfect match of what job/title/career
you want, and that’s what everyone looks for. But in this pursuit the
key to mentoring that we never discuss is the value and importance of
human connection; relationships. Because as James Colmer said “no
significant learning can occur without a significant relationship’. It’s
not about the person with the title, job, or even experience. It’s
about the relationship.</div>
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<strong>Mentoring is the end goal…not the start</strong></div>
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A few years ago when I was 23, I found myself as a graduate Engineer
at a great company, and was also running an award-winning social
business that I had founded which was empowering women in India. I was
by all accounts doing well, yet I felt incredibly lost and unsure. I had
met some of the most influential people in business, I had an enviable
rolodex of business cards of people whom had offered support and
advice…yet I still felt alone. I valued the integrity, knowledge &
guidance these professionals were able to offer, but I was lacking the
critical element of any learning… genuine connection.</div>
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I craved mentorship yet couldn’t understand why the networks I was
building weren’t really working for me? So I decided to stop the “will
you be my mentor?” approach for a while, and just start being present to
embracing the learning opportunities all around me. When I took this
new approach I not only unexpectedly met my soon-to-be-mentor, but I
also realised that I too had been looking for the wrong thing all along…</div>
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I realised that I had been looking for an end result without understanding the beginning.</div>
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You see, mentoring never starts as mentoring…that’s what it ends-up,
but what it starts with is a connection. Lunch, a coffee, or even a
conversation. It then manifests into a relationship. Not all connections
develop into relationships, and not all relationships into mentoring,
and this is important; If you have to force it, leave it alone.
Relationships, mentors, ponytails. Just leave it. But if you do get the 1
in 10 connection that develops into a relationship you will then maybe
one day realize, without even noticing, that you have developed the
revered mentor relationship.</div>
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I have had formal ‘mentors’ in mentor programs who sat and gave me
all manner of advice and time. But no matter how hard we tried, it just
didn’t work. Not because they didn’t have the experience or wisdom, but
because there was no genuine authentic mutual connection. It wasn’t
about the person or the job. It was about the relationship.</div>
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So stop looking for a long-term commitment or an official “mentor”,
and start building a relationship with people you admire, and who admire
you. It will take you so much farther.</div>
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<strong>Aggie and I</strong></div>
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I remember the first time I met my would-be-mentor. She smiled as she
shook my hand. Not the uncomfortable smile of a stranger or the trained
smile of a salesperson, when the eyes don’t quite smile the same way as
the mouth, but a smile of genuine warmth and welcome that was utterly
enveloping. I had unexpectedly been invited to a lunch and was
incredibly nervous as a young graduate about meeting a HR Director in
the company… but I never thought it would lead to one of my most valued
and treasured relationships. Over the course of the meal we got
chatting, and she took a genuine interest in getting to know me, asking
about my social business and passions. Although we had just met, I had
the uncanny sense that this new acquaintance truly cared about me (the
low-on-the-food-chain graduate) and my goals.</div>
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Despite being scheduled around the clock, she sent me a note a few
weeks later to check in on how things were going. Just like the first
time I met her, I was overwhelmed by the fact that she cared. It was
then months of catch-ups, emails and conversations before we even
mentioned the words ‘mentor’…after all, we were stereotypically the most
unusual of pairings: she was HR and I was an engineer…but it wasn’t
about the job title or career, it was about developing the mutual
relationship of respect, openness and trust.</div>
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Over the past few years Aggie and I have caught up over everything
from handbags to business plans and careers. We begin every conversation
as we do so many times before, with friendly banter which soon turns to
deep discussion. She has a very calming influence, allowing me to see
clearly through otherwise stressful and confusing stages in my
professional and personal life. The conversations exude that feeling
that, not only am I absorbing the wisdom and experience of this seasoned
professional, but that she is absorbing and learning too. The fact we
are both different means there’s space for us both to learn and grow off
each other. It feels like a mutually beneficial relationship. At least
that’s what I hope… I hope that my mentor gets something out of the
relationship, that just maybe, she learns something from me…</div>
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<strong>It takes a village to raise a child, but it takes an army to raise a young woman</strong></div>
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Throughout my career, I’ve benefited greatly from the wisdom and
experiences of mentors. They say it takes a village to raise a child,
but I think in this day-and-age it takes an army to raise a young woman.
Different people see different aspects of us as we progress in our
careers and can help us handle the opportunities and challenges along
the way. However the key to any good mentor is someone who helps you
become more of who you already are — not to make you more like them.</div>
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Looking back I have had more mentors that I can mention. Some were
around briefly, others I still have. Some mentors test you, some teach
you, some I can call when I am a tearful mess because somethings
happened and I don’t know what to do next… But most important is the
ones that bring out the best in you. Those are the special few that I
treasure and carry with me everyday (and I hope I always will!)</div>
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<strong>My thanks to my ‘army’</strong></div>
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Looking back, my 10th grade science teacher Mrs Munro was perhaps the
first adult who treated me like a peer, who set expectations of me and
believed I was capable of more. It helped me come out of my shell and is
the very reason I developed a love of science and became an engineer.</div>
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Aggie, my ‘official mentor’, is one of the few people I can honestly
say I wholeheartedly want to be like as a leader. She is a HR director,
so I don’t aspire to her job, but if I can become the type of person and
leader she is I will have succeeded. She is the one who has not only
taught me nearly everything I know about managing people and the
importance of being present, but was also the one who picked me up and
gently steered me through the grief of my father’s death. She expertly
treads the line between, mentor, colleague, friend, 2nd-mother, Yoda, Mr
Miyagi… you name it! Whenever I am thoughtful and present, I am
reflecting her teachings. Whenever I am angry, impatient or arrogant,
I’m falling short.</div>
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My other ‘Yoda’ is Kathy. Kathy was the one who not just believed in
my value and potential, but was willing to go out on a limb on my
behalf. She listens yet analyses, and understands my strengths and
weaknesses better than I do most times. She demonstrates aspirational
leadership through her own actions, all the while guiding me as I
navigate the perilous ascent up the career ladder. She not only saw me
to the threshold of power; she opened the door. She may be on the other
side of the world, but whenever I have a problem or a question, she will
find the time to tell me where to look, without ever telling me what to
see…</div>
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Rachel; is the sound business advice when I need a caring ear and logical head.</div>
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Elizabeth, the firm supporter when I feel just too small for the seemingly insurmountable challenges I am trying to solve.</div>
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Kate is the sounding board over coffee or wine for everything from business to family.</div>
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And James, the person who has never hesitated to pull me into line or give me a kick in the right direction when I needed it.</div>
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And of course there’s my family. They are the ones who keep me
grounded. Always. And my Dad will forever be the person who ingrained in
me the qualities to work hard, be kind, stay humble, and smile always. I
am my father’s daughter, and it’s what I’m proud of most.</div>
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All of these people I attribute to the very successes I have had in
my life. And most I have found because I stopped looking for an official
“mentor”, and started building relationships with people I admired, and
whom believed in me. It’s about surrounding yourself with people who
inspire you, who hold you to expectations of who they believe you can
be, who see greatness within you, even when you don’t see it yourself.</div>
Kim Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15194506967524986384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6711899909869432616.post-88631101410007970492015-08-28T20:14:00.002-07:002015-08-28T20:14:45.556-07:00The 7 Things I Learn't About Leadership From Running A Social Business<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiILHqrgfLGH_38AX5KM2xiia3u2onMJEtwYYCKoKQTnZpAnrAxOW_AS3vuhGv6-9JhxNhuiYBg9QEH5dAhf7mU77LU7i6jDBgQauap83slW140gOrvR9prM95aTGLBPFHKddYOZrezmhRU/s1600/superHR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiILHqrgfLGH_38AX5KM2xiia3u2onMJEtwYYCKoKQTnZpAnrAxOW_AS3vuhGv6-9JhxNhuiYBg9QEH5dAhf7mU77LU7i6jDBgQauap83slW140gOrvR9prM95aTGLBPFHKddYOZrezmhRU/s640/superHR.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You learn a lot when you take the plunge and end up running your own social business as 23. Here are just a few of the lesson's i learnt about being a leader and running a business.</b><br />
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<li><b>This is <i>really </i>hard</b>. And it’s
meant to be, if it was easy, everybody would do it. It’s the hard that makes it
great. </li>
<li><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b>If you achieve anything, it will be because
you have a great team</b>. It is a naive person who thinks they achieve alone.
I’ve learnt the most important role of a leader is to build a phenomenal team,
and recognize they are the reason you achieve any progress.</li>
<li><b>It’s okay to say you don’t know. </b>I
think I forget sometimes that although I am running a business, I am only 23.
I’m just a kid still really. I don’t need to know it all now, and making
mistakes and learning is all part of the process. It’s about respecting myself
enough to admit when I don’t know, and respecting my team and those around me
enough to ask them for help.</li>
<li><b>My job is to have the hard conversations.
</b>This is something I have never been good at, but I’m learning I have to
be... It’s my job, as leader, to stand up for my team, to back them, and to
lead by example. And it’s also my job to tell them when things need to change
or when ‘No’ has to be the answer.</li>
<li><b>The only ‘qualification’ that really matters
is your motivation</b>. It’s my motivation and hard work that has taught me
that I can be so much more than what my education ever told me I was.</li>
<li><b>Your title doesn’t earn you respect, your
actions do</b>. Every day I feel privileged that I have a voice others are
willing to listen too. I feel so lucky to be able to build my vision with
people that take me seriously. But I’ve learnt ‘CEO’ only buys you superficial
respect, it my values, how I care for my team, that really earns respect.</li>
<li> <b>I have a boss</b>. Just because I call the
shots doesn’t mean I’m not accountable to anyone. I am accountable to my
customers and primarily my team. If I let them down, I won’t have a team to
lead.</li>
</ol>
Kim Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15194506967524986384noreply@blogger.com0